Would you trust Elon Musk with a secret?

So how was your bank holiday? Probably, like me, you spent it trying to find pornography by googling tractors. No luck so far.

Can it be true? Neil Parish, who remains technically the MP for Tiverton and Honiton, claims that this is what he was doing the first time he was spotted watching people (we must assume) doing the nasty on his phone in the House of Commons, but it’s a tricky scenario to replicate, pruriently, in the privacy of yourown home.

Subsequently, his friends have let it be known he was looking at a combine harvester called a Claas Dominator. Questions still abound, such as “what were his search terms?” and, “hang on, is a combine harvester even a tractor, anyway?”